Ad Astra Per Aspera

I really enjoy watching stock footage of time lapsed film. 

Example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asxzkUjTMcE

I could not tell you exactly why I like watching it so much. Maybe it’s because the shots capture processes that take hours or days to complete in just a few seconds. Maybe it’s because hours worth of natural developing beauty are condensed into such a short amount of time that my senses are overloaded. Whatever the case, were it not for modern technology, I know that watching a seed turn into a flower in less than a minute is impossible.

If you’re wired anything like me, you get frustrated with yourself and inability to be consistent at, well, anything. I am 25 years old, and there are a few things I feel like I should have under control by now. To think of the list of things that were important to me when I was 18; the kind of people I want to befriend, the sort of career I want to have, and the kind of woman I want to marry. That list looks completely different now, I don’t even know if there is a list anymore.

Growing up is hard to do. While I’m pretty sure my body is done growing and will only deteriorate from here on out, my heart, mind, and soul continue to develop. My desires are slowly but consistently shifting, and for the most part they are growing in a healthy direction. But sometimes it’s hard for me to tell if I’m really getting better at making decisions, being responsible, and being a better man of God.

The problem is I can’t watch myself grow. The process is slow and seemingly uneventful, nearly invisible really. You can’t feel it, and you don’t even know it, because know one tells you when you’re a “grown up”. The only way I can test my growth is to evaluate myself. In the same way we marked our height with our backs to the doorframe as a kid to measure our growth, we find out what we’re made of as adults when life puts our back against the wall and asks what we’re really made of.

We can track our growth when we maintain our strength through circumstances that would have crushed us a few years ago. We can find out if we’re really growing when we face a conflict with confidence that we would have simply fled from before. We can’t just decide when we’re grown up. Rather, life will bring a storm, and you’ll be ready or you won’t. Either way, you’ll know how tall you are. 

Just wanted to share the Abandon Kansas fall tour dates with ya’ll:

Suburba(n) Vagabonds Tour w/ The Classic Crime and House of Heroes
10/21 Colorado Springs, CO @ The Black Sheep
10/23 Albuquerque, NM @ Eastern Hills Baptist Church
10/24 Scottsdale, AZ @ First Baptist Church
10/25 Victorville, CA @ Victorville Events Center
10/27 Brea, CA @ North Hills Church
10/28 Ventura, CA @ Epic
10/29 Fresno, CA @ TBA
10/30 Reedley, CA @ Live at The Chapel
11/2 Oroville, CA @ The Axiom
11/4 Ashland, OR @ The Revolution
11/5 Newport, OR @ Newport Nazarene Church
11/6 Camas, WA @ The Noisebox
11/7 Seattle, WA @ Showbox at the Market

w/ House of Heroes only:
11/8 Spokane, WA @ TBA
11/9 Boise, ID @ The Venue
11/10 Salt Lake City, UT @ Urban Lounge (21+)
11/11 Denver, CO @ The Marquis

Abandon Kansas headlining dates: 
11/12 Lawrence, KS @ TBA
11/13 Wichita, KS @ The Boulevard
11/18 Manhattan, KS @ The Kathouse Lounge
11/19 Cedar Falls, IA @ The Wheelhouse
11/20 St. Paul, MN @ The Space
11/21 Omaha, NE @ TBA

New song and music video coming out this month, stay tuned! 

http://www.abandonkansaslovesyou.com

I had something else in mind to post today, but life happened, and I have to share.

My dad is a chaplain for a hospice service in the afternoons. Basically he visits people that can’t get out on their own, and spends time talking and praying with them in their homes. I tagged along for a home visit today because my dad wanted me to meet this guy Arnie. I had no idea hanging with a stranger for twenty minutes would bring so much light to my previous blog post.

Arnie has cerebral palsy and controls his wheelchair with his mouth. Except for some visits from nurse aids, Arnie lives on his own. He can’t use his hands or his feet, and he has a difficult time speaking and controlling the movement of his head. He has this little hat with a metal rod attached to it that he uses to dial phone numbers and change tv channels. He calls it his unicorn hat. Arnie can’t do anything for himself except watch tv and drink out of the straw attached to his chair. Despite the struggle to get the words out, Arnie has a witty sense of humor and communicated with us fairly well.

I thought about posting a detailed description of what little time I spent with Arnie this afternoon. I thought that might convict you, like it convicted me, and really get you to stop and think about the things you take for granted every day like being able to walk, drive, eat, drink, go to bed, and everything in between whenever you want.

But the message I want to relay from Arnie is the same message I started to dive into yesterday. When my dad read part of his favorite chapter in the Bible, Psalm 22, Arnie confessed that he has done so many wrong things in his life and he needs forgiveness. I stayed quiet for the majority of our visit, but as I looked at the helpless man in the wheelchair all I wanted to ask is, “Like what? You couldn’t hurt anybody if you wanted to.”

Arnie has a few things to be angry about, and I don’t think you or I would blame him for feeling that way. Arnie spends so much time all alone at home and has been mistreated by all kinds of people that are supposed to take care of him, not to mention the standard awkwardness I am sure he gets from everyone else he interacts with. You’re mad at God for all kinds of things that have gone wrong in your life, but you haven’t been trapped in a wheelchair your entire life. At the end of the day though, Arnie doesn’t seem to be mad at anyone, and admits that he needs forgiveness just as much as the next guy. How the heck does that work?

My previous post dealt with victimless crimes, and how we are supposed to wrestle with the idea that some things are justifiable in our lives as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else. Then today I meet a guy who has never hurt anyone, couldn’t even if he wanted to, that has totally accepted the fact that he’s done plenty of wrong, even if it’s just in the eyes of the Lord. Through people like Arnie, I am learning that while I have some sense of independence and self-sufficiency, I am very much helpless in the grand scheme of things. From God’s perspective, I am just as handicapped and helpless as Arnie when left to myself, yet we are both just as valuable and lovable in His eyes. 

Before we left Arnie asked my dad to make a sign in large print for him to hang on the door. I don’t know if it was a message for his nurses or just a reminder to himself, but my dad transcribed these words on a notepad as Arnie stuttered and slurred them out with a smile on his face;

“Please be patient with me. God is not finished with me. I am always going to make mistakes.”  

“I am not my own.” - says Paul, the most legit example of a self-less hardcore Christian I can think of. Unfortunately, if I could write a letter back to him, I would have to inform him that right now, I am very much my own person. I am in control and I am out for my own good, my own interests, and my own comfort. Aren’t you? 

There is some evil in the world that the majority of humans can agree is wrong. Except for a few whackos out there, most people in our modern society believe that murder, rape, and stealing are wrong.  I wonder sometimes though if we put more emphasis on the victim and how their personal rights are infringed upon than the actual action and intent of the immoral person. What I’m getting at is, do we really care what people do as long as it doesn’t hurt someone else? Do we believe some actions are wrong, even if they don’t affect anyone but the person doing it? I respect that we all have different beliefs and value systems. I also respect the fact that we live in a country that celebrates individual rights when it comes to just about every stance, belief, and lifestyle choice. I support the freedom to choose, and to maintain that freedom you have to offer both options.

I have habits I struggle with that I justify by persuading my friends and convincing myself that the only person it’s really hurting is me. Sometimes we even take it a step further, lying to ourselves that we’re not being harmed by our decisions either. Some common events in life we throw up this excuse for are abortion, pornography, sexual immorality (including promiscuity and homosexuality), watching raunchy movies, listening to raunchy music, substance abuse, and laziness. I hate to make a list of issues this attitude pertains to because if I don’t mention yours, maybe you’ll feel like you’re off the hook. But if you hear yourself defending your actions by saying, “It’s my life, and I’m not hurting anybody else by doing this,” then hear me out for these next few posts. I’m not going to pick on the church, or the government, or some annoying group of people. I’m not embarking into deep doctrinal territory with big words and hazy concepts. I’m going to go somewhere that is borderline terrifying. I’m going to deal with myself.

Don’t worry friend, my blog isn’t going to become a confessional for the next few posts, and you’re not going to need to alert the media. I am just working out these concepts Jesus talked about that I want to believe in but can’t seem to activate in my life. This idea that my life is not my own, and therefore not mine to benefit from, is a lot to swallow. More to come soon.